I ♥ RAINFALL

"All day,staring at the ceiling making friends with shadows on my wall. All night hearing voices telling me,that I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something. Hold on, feeling like im headed for a breakdown. But I don't know why...

Im not crazy im just a little UNWELL". . . -mATCHBOX 20

Failure is a part of human life,so true. There are times when we feel so much joy, and to balance it (maybe thats how we can call it), we also go through pain. In this post, please allow me to express everything that I feel and felt for the past years. I hope that through writing, it would help decrease the heaviness im feeling.

Have you experience controlling yourself not to cry though the tears were already falling from your eyes? Ayaw mo man umiyak, and pretending to be all right and strong,but when your filled with sadness, you can't really control yourself not to cry. Just last week I felt it again. It really hurts to know that you failed again and again. Do you know that the most hurtful failure I have, was not being qualified to the University I want. Maybe for some, its a non-sense thing but it means a lot to me. Not being qualified means being far and away from my family and friends. In my first year in the campus I'm in right now, there's always a thought of transferring or shifting to another course. But it didn't came to action and reality so I spent my 2nd year in the same school. It was in my 2nd year when I felt one of the worst feeling I had, the sadness of being alone. At first I see it as something really negative, but as I go on I look at it as a challenge and I think I succeeded, I conquered all the fears and was able to do everything the way I want it to be by myself. I thought those days were over, pero hindi pa pala. Im hurting,it really hurts as if im stabbed in the chest and my heart and respiration seems to failed. This emotions are getting worst and never leaves me. Its the thing that makes us human, the presence of those things. And how sad that in this journey of misery, no one is with me.

I'm still alone, and it hurts to admit it. It also hurts knowing your friends don't even bother to text you to know how your doing, and the fact that they don't even remember you. This is why I'm really thankful for having Grace and Chin, because though were not the type who goes out together or not even got the chance to see each other often, they never fail to remember.

Chin + Grace

Maybe they don't know how much I appreciate their presence in my life, but guys these 2 girls - I consider them as a gift .And actually, meron pang humahabol sa list but I don't want to mention her name. The friendship between us had just started, and I dont know if what she's showing me is real. The way we started the friendship, was also the same way I had it with Grace and Chin. Pero she's really nice din, and I think naman she's real. So para sa kanila, thank you so much. Inaaway ko man kayo minsan, eh kasi inaaway nyo din ako. =) Sorry if minsan I fail to keep in touch, pero alam nyo naman how busy I am.. Hmm, wait I think kung san-san na napadpad usapan. Well, lets go on with something good para happy. Last July 28, we had our capping and oath taking at St.John Church. It wasn't a super happy feeling, but it feels good. And knowing that my family is happy (i can feel na masaya kami ngayon), makes me feel so blessed despite the sadness im feeling. I just noticed, that when Im doing good in school, emotionally im not ok. But this time, my failures in school is the one bringing me pain while for my family,im really happy. Hindi ba pwede magsama sila? I do good in school and at the same time emotionally stable ako? Pwede naman ata diba? Well,sabi ko nga sa Tadpole Story "Happiness is a choice". I think i'll just stick to that,kasalanan ko naman. Donna,Donna its time to make a difference. Kahit weak ako, im a fighter so if this negative emotions think they can kill me, sorry pero hindi. Im gonna kill you,to meet happiness tomorrow. Kaya ko to, I know I can. Nakakatawa naman ang post na to, parang walang patutungohan. =) Im not prepared kasi for this,kung ano maisip ko,directly encoded na. :) I love you RAINFALL! Thank you kasi I came up with a blog na katulad mo, dati I write everything at the back of my notebooks at least ngayon,organized na sya. It helps me a lot, kaya thank you to my bestfriend- rainfall. It may always rain, but after it,there will always be a rainbow. Speaking about rainbow, exactly 4:30 pm today, I saw a rainbow. I wish it is a sign of good luck from the above, meaning konting tiis pa and my rainbow will show up. :) And im excited to meet happiness by the time I reach the rainbow and leave all my downfalls behind. To my sweetest downfall, thank you for the memories and for teaching me how to love.. To happiness, I hope to see you soon, hintay ka lang kasi there's a fight pa going on samin ni Sadness..

Goodbye sadness, welcome happiness! :)

+ I will be HAPPY :) i LOVE my Rainfall. . :)